A Letter to My Childhood Self

Dear little C,

It’s 2020..the year you imagined seeing flying cars and aliens, but instead it’s honestly a lot like how things are for you now. Maybe a bit different. There are a lot of people in the world who don’t want most of us to be happy, but you want to be happy, always have.

I wanted to write to you because at this time in our life, society has been put into self-isolation within our homes and it’s a really weird time to be experiencing. I felt like you were always so excited to grow up; wanting acne, drama, and all the fun of finally having a boyfriend. You get that, don’t worry, but you also get a fun journey of self-exploration that really brings you in touch with the Earth you walk on.

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Yes, you really can, and will, make a difference with that powerful, brilliant mind of yours. Your biggest superpower has turned out to be the will to be fiercely resilient no matter what’s thrown at you, you’re strong. You’re also emotionally strong; sensitive to be exact. I know how sensitive you are. I know how much stuff upsets you, and how much you have cried wondering what the heck is going on.

I have also experienced you love people like no other, and really focus on the small quirks that make them unique. You have an eye for pointing our what’s wrong, or can be improved, in projects, people, and yourself. Utilize this for positivity, not self-hatred. You really have the power to control and create the life you want to live, so don’t ever think that life is happening to you.

Life is always happening for you. Just like school, we have to learn, take tests, and even random pop quizzes. It’s fun and easy if you fully engage yourself in the moment, taking in everything shown to you before you react and answer the questions.

You always loved school, kind of. You kind of loved life a little it more though, wondering about it all the time. Non-stop thinking about the sole reason of life itself and why and who and what people even are. Animals always felt understanding, safe, and comforting. They are because that’s their purpose along with us.

I wanted you to know that you are so freaking cool…like cooler than you could imagine. Want to know why? You won’t ever have those designer clothes, cars, or bags like your peers. You probably won’t ever feel like you fit in with people who care about things like that, not even now.

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You’re cool because you always stay true to who you are. You feel you’re best when you are just authentically being you, and expressing your soul in fun, spurratic ways. You like to make people laugh, just for fun, because it’s fun.

You ARE a fun person to be around, and not everyone may share your humor or take on life. That’s okay. It’s okay not to be like other people or to be liked by some people.

You are going to do a lot of things out of anger with people in your life, and I really beg you to learn to stop taking that approach to things. It’s better to just remove yourself from the situation than to fuel more fires. I don’t want you to think that I am sad, I just want to tell you what’s real in life. You were always so curious as to what anything would be like outside of your house or bedroom.

It’s awesome, and it’s SO worth it to grow up. My advice is to enjoy each moment, because each moment is a part of the process as to which makes up your whole life. Only at the end of each chapter, or the very end, will most things actually make sense.

You are powerful, a game changer, a thought provoker. You help people question their reality and think for themselves. You always hated being controlled, freedom is your birthright, as with all humans.

You are abundant in all ways. You are so happy. You are wealthy, prosperous, and generous in all the right ways. You feel into your life and every moment is a masterpiece waiting for you to experience it.

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Today, April 1, 2020, you invested in a $1k course to better your mindset and self for the future to come. You are so kind to yourself now, and always have been. You deserve to feel important, loved, and cared for. You deserve nothing but the best that life has to offer. You are a complete queen walking amongst other kings and queens. There is enough room for everyone, including you, to win.

I wanted to assure you that the way you think your life may always be, is always changing. The only constant thing in your life, is you. Nurture yourself, listen to yourself when no one else does, and always stick to your truth. Your gut is always guiding you, and you’ve been so smart to always act on that instinct. I have always been so proud of you for that, for being you and staying true to what you feel is true.

You aren’t weird, or wrong, for thinking differently than your family. You are only following your heart and what is truly meant for you. See, we each have our own path to take, and sometimes we each need a different variation of the same story for it to really make sense. Your path is a little different than most, but there ARE others like you. You might not realize this for a long, long time, but as you understand yourself more.. you’ll help others do the same. You will come across people in your daily life who need your little ‘tap’ that breaks open their shell.

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You are a nutcracker. A cute, savage, thoughtful, lovely, beautiful, human nutcracker. Cracking people open to their potential, to the truth, to who they really are, and why they have to heal. Many people will react negatively to this, but that’s okay, they’re just scared. We must hold space for those who aren’t there yet, because they will be soon.

You see little me, you came into this world feeling so foreign to everyone and thing around you, but so connected at a different level that always scared your parents or people you explained it to. They weren’t ready to understand… it’s a lot to take it, but you’ve always been there. You have always been connected. You have ALWAYS seen the truth.

I am so sorry for the pain you have been dealt for standing up for your perspective on events and situations you encounter. I promise you that even if you feel taken advantage of, abused, or betrayed…everything happens for a reason and for the highest good of all involved. Take pleasure knowing that you’re helping others pass their tests and move on to the next lesson in their life.

I love you so much, and I promise life is even better than you have been daydreaming it to be. It’s as complex and abstract as you always wanted, and so deep, like the ocean. I know you’re scared of the ocean, but also intrigued aren’t you?

Swim deep, and don’t go alone.

Oh, yeah, did I mention that you are never alone. I think you knew that as a kid, always just being content with experiencing the very moment you are in. Thinking back I always felt something, but I wasn’t sure what. It’s you, it’s me, it’s us, it’s we…the universe using us to do something greater than us. I promise that I won’t ever give up on you, or our mission. I promise I won’t ever leave your side or leave you to wither away.

I will always have your back, no matter what. It’s me and you, till the end. I love you, always, even when you feel like there is no reason anymore. You are the reason. You WILL change the world, one person at a time.

You WILL be everything you dream of, because everything you always dreamt about manifested into your life as you grew up. Take care of your thoughts, they create your reality at every waking second.

You are good enough, and don’t ever think that you need to please anyone but yourself. Please yourself every day if you have to, just be happy.

Love you always my little C,

Big C

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