You’ve been on the back of my mind for a really long time, years almost. I don’t know exactly who I’m typing to this fine Tuesday, but I am typing for her. I am writing to the part of me, or you, that you has always just been suppressed. Not even consciously, but the part of your soul that is it’s truest uttermost expression of you.
I have been learning to really love my own expression lately, not that I haven’t in the past as well. I feel like I have been MIA on my true self the past couple years due to so much shadow work taking place behind the scenes. Shit really hit me after my goal of paying off all credit cards in 2019, hadn’t budged when I checked back in for this New Year.
It’s 2020, the year we all never thought would actually come, and the year I assumed flying cars would be the new norm. Instead it’s 2020, and I am right back where I started a year ago, but this time with so much changed. It’s pretty trippy to think about.
2019 was like a spiritual reboot for my life to steadily progress forward. Thank the fucking Universe that shit’s over. I feel like I can finally feel myself again, breathe, holy shit just have a breath to myself for once.
January first arrived and I felt different alright, but it was almost like I started shedding so much of my old self towards the end of last year, I am now sitting in 2020 like.. “Now what?”, similarly to like a naked, smooth baby butterfly when the cocoon welts off. (I hope you understand what I am trying to describe there. Naked. Reborn. Unaware to do with this new self, per say).
I really sat with myself for a good couple hours and was like “Damn, who the fuck am I really?”, genuinely to my fiance while he looks at me and says… “Cece?” Um.
That’s the thing, I lost myself in this life trying to keep friendships, relationships, jobs, and responsibilities where I was over serving those around me, and never ever taking the time for myself. I wasn’t watching my spending, I wasn’t really caring what I ate, I wanted to stay in bed & I just wasn’t who I knew I could be in my prime.
What even is my prime? Who am I? What do I even like to do now that my schedule is genuinely cleared up. The ‘old me’, back in like 2014, had all the time in the world, no job or responsibilities, and a gym membership. Every day felt so accomplished. I made lists of what I wanted to get done so afterwards I could relax and watch YouTube for the rest of the night. I was on top of my game to say the least, but then life happened.
I get it, and I shifted out of my alignment.
That’s it though. I already know who I am, and what I like to do. I think about it all the time, I visualize things I would love to be doing, but I rarely act on it.
I know you have been there too, or are there right now. You are not alone, trust me, we are all in this crazy ass shit together, thankfully!
Last semester it was because I didn’t have the time; I would work full time, go to school full time, plus had errands, homework, and friendships to maintain. I genuinely felt like I was living for everyone in my life that I had commitments to and that’s no healthy way to feel about life.
This semester, well I am not enrolled this semester due to just graduating with my AA. I legit was paying $320 a month in tuition, and cut back on enjoying my life a lot.
All that is over now, and I have simmered in my dream of living the life I truly want and deserve, on my terms, for far too long. We all have. So I have hit a reset button on my life. I kicked my priorities right back to the basics of life. I need to be my best self, to further serve the Universe to my fullest potential. You deserve that from me, to say the least.
I wanted to share with you, how you too can reset yourself to better align with your truest, highest potential & get some boss shit done for the collective.
One of the biggest ways you can make a difference in the world, is by starting with yourself.
By changing, improving, and growing into your most authentic self, you help serve others in the security of knowing it is OK to be YOU, and no one else. Providing inspiration, guidance, and love to even one soul, creates a ripple effect.
- Ghost your life, for YOUR LIFE! I don’t mean ghost everyone in your life to receive your new life, even though that sounds like a pretty swell idea. I mean tap into that introverted part of your self, yes we ALL have it, and really take some time for yourself, to focus on your SELF. This could be an evening, a whole day, or in my case a whole week. I was like… NOPE! Not doing it. January 1st hit and I legit made an announcement on Snapchat saying, “Don’t want to talk to anyone for like a week”. No joke, nothing in my life changed I am not even that social to begin with. Have you genuinely taken time out for your SELF this year? Sometimes this small amount of time for ourselves allows us to detach from the world around us, and really understand what we are feeling ourselves.
- Hydrate your fucking body. More. Yeah, a no brainer right. I bet you like $10k you haven’t drank water today for shit. This is such a terrible habit of mine for endless reasons; dehydration, irritability, decreased mental clarity. I really thought about it after borrowing a water bottle with a built in straw from my fiance’s mom. Holy moly that thing is amazing, and I really felt like shit for how long I would deprive my precious body from something that makes my life so much better when I consume it. I was able to drink even more water, eat less shit food, focus more at work, digest easier, and just look and feel radiant and hydrate. How much water are you really drinking, honestly, do you even know? Nothing beats the feeling, so get back into it.
- Filter your Feed. Your daily feed of life, like the music, podcasts, videoes, pictures, and content that you feed your mind affect you on a subconscious level. Are you happy with your friends or coworkers? What are you feeding your attention to, and is it positively benefiting your life? I have been following the Manifestation Babe Podcast for a while, and this morning I was thinking about my top 5. The top five people that you surround yourself, is ultimately who you become, an average of the 5. Who is your top 5? Mine is a good friend of mine, my fiance, my bosses, and my motivational mentors, like Katherine, Infinite Waters, Etc.
- Get in touch with what you DO want, and focus less on what you don’t want. If I can share one huge thing that my inner work and daily podcasts have taught me, is what you focus on, grows. Positive or negative, the universe doesn’t care, it will magnify. It’s pretty fucking awesome, but also just as terrifying. Nothing is worse than having something shitty happen, then the whole day turns to shit too. Want to know why? We have some shitty ass attitude that’s why. Instead of shifting the perspective, we focus and grow the feeling of FML. That therefore ATTRACTS more FML moments into your life because the universe is like woah you like that? You want to think about it more?! Okay girl, I gotchu, tenfold. Tenfold. The same thing happens when we shift into the good. The good vibes. The shit that makes your soul sing and want to live every moment. Invest your time in things that light your fire, and take back your time from negativity and guilt. What do you really want? It’s yours if you believe it is.
- Allow yourself to feel, work through, and release what’s holding you back, and stop judging yourself for it unconsciously. This is something I thought would be easy, but it seems to be a lifelong process of thing after thing piling on top of eachother. Eventually you’ll collapse from the pressure, so take a break to actually take inventory of what your inner world is feeling. Really, how are you? How can you feel better? What do you need to let go of? I know most things are probably going to last a lifetime, but honestly that really only hurts yourself as you can’t ever get the closure you truly deserve. I, myself, have been doing this lately, and it’s not easy. To be honest, I don’t even know what I am doing, but I am just so done not living up to my fullest potential. I have nothing holding me back at this point besides myself. So do you. What have you been holding yourself back from, & how can you rewrite that story for yourself to be living in that ideal self now? Don’t rush yourself, but take action towards embodying your ideal self. Slowly, but surely, we can return to that self that we know we always have been.
I feel like the theme of 2020 is really connecting with myself and building a really strong foundation for my soul, health, family, and career. It hasn’t been easy, but every moment has been worth getting closer to the soul that’s been there all along, me.
2020 doesn’t have to been what the past has been, it can truly be anything you want it to be, it just depends on what you do right now. I apologize I have been lacking on here- I hope to deliver more constantly as I get back into my authentic flow. I keep evolving, changing, and growing; so I truly don’t know what to tell you is next, and my best blogs tend to be ones I write with some inspired actions. I am so grateful you took the time to be here with me, and I am sending you all the good vibes to accomplish the year of YOU.
Please share this with anyone who it may help, that’s truly my only goal here, is to connect with you. I hope my journey inspires you to treck your own fearlessly, with resilience to keep going, always. Please feel free to follow me on social media: @vegetablyaware 🙂