Freezing weather, sugar cookie candles, & a shit ton of holiday traffic. What’s not to love?The holidays hit home for just about anyone. It’s a time where we can all come together and really focus on what actually matters, love. (Plus, getting a bunch of random items on sale!)
I am sure you already went over what you’re grateful for this year over Thanksgiving dinner, and I don’t want to bore with you my long list of things in my life that I just like, can’t live without.
I wanted to share something of value & substance with you this year, intending that your life & holiday season become just a tad bit merrier, or at least a little less shitty than you might have felt about yourself.
It’s easy to list off all of the material things you are grateful for, but sometimes it’s the life lessons are the real blessings you really needed throughout the year.
Gratefully looking back, here are the top 10 eye-opening life lessons I learned in 2019:
1. Trust the process.
Have you ever heard of the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason”? No joke, it truly does.
We are each living our own lives, with different perspectives and opinions on how life should ultimately go.
Do you ever look back at a tough part of your life after getting through it and clearly see why each pattern of events had to occur to get you to where you are in the present moment?
You learn lessons, and receive blessings at every turn we make in our journey. It all depends on if you actually look for them.
Every person, place, thought, and feeling is completely relevant to helping you find yourSELF.
It’s important to understand when you are feeling like you are struggling, that there is a higher purpose as to why you are in the situation you are in.
Trusting the process of how your life turns out is harder than it seems. We always want to be in control as to what happens in our lives, but we must let go of the expectations of how things will turn out.
What makes it easier for myself, is looking back to times where I couldn’t even start to imagine my life as it is now. Every single thing you do is impacting your future in some way.
Even a year ago, I never imagined my life would be even close to how amazing it is now. Trust your process, it works out in the end. What is meant to be, will be.
2. Everything is temporary.
I remember earlier this year staring at the four walls of my apartment I shared with another girl that completely made my life a living hell.
I remember being so frustrated with my position, and how little of it I could genuinely control.
I was stressed AF, grossed out, and just wanted to be awaaaaay from this human being. (Let’s just say it was a legit shitty situation..)
I remember meditating in my room one day, and saying to myself out of the blue, “Everything is temporary.”
Everything is temporary. Let those words sink in.
This immediately brought the biggest smile to my face as I realized that this situation I felt stuck in, was ultimately temporary!
My situation was that I felt no control over being able to either move out of my own apartment, or kick my roommate out, which neither was a choice I could make unless she agreed to either one, which she didn’t.
So, whether I got to move out 8 months later, or earlier, I was still getting to leave eventually. I let go of the need to control what I couldn’t, and accepted the reality of what I actually could.
I could control my mindset, and my perspective on what was happening. Only after not feeding into the trap of giving her the satisfaction of my negative emotional reactions, she decided that I could move out. Gee thanks.
With a month of letting go, the universe gave me the karma I truly deserved- peace of mind.
I knew in my soul, that this too shall pass, and this shits only temporary.
3. Quality over Quantity, all day.
I used to think there was something wrong with me for not seeming like I was super social and loved by every single person I met.
For a period of time, I just wanted damn friends for once.
Looking back, I was meant to befriend many people, and have learned a lot from my experiences with them. None of which I regret, and the happy times we had were always genuine on my part.
I really did have an amazing time with some of the friends I had made over the years, but also faced some harsh truths when it came to defining what true friendships really are.
I had to face the reality of having a group of friends that made me anxious really wasn’t something I valued over having true deep connections that I have with so little people in my life.
I had to face that these ‘friends’ didn’t always have my best interest at heart, but their own.
I have been betrayed, ridiculed, and lied to.
A real relationship is one of substance, depth. I value quality over quantity in my friendships, all day.
Just because someone else is friends with someone, doesn’t mean you have to feel obligated to be their friend too.
Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn’t mean you have to, too.
Find those that see and appreciate your internal light, and not those who may want to show you off for the #gram.
4. Don’t overextend yourself for people who don’t give two shits about you.
THIS. I cannot stress this enough, especially for my empathic soul sisters out there.
STOP OVEREXTENDING YOURSELF FOR PEOPLE WHO DON’T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL OR WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON.
Hope you enjoyed my PSA.
Going back to my roommate situation, I constantly was annoyed with how much I would go out of my way for my roomate, to just be practically shit on.
I wanted to be the cool roomate, the chill girl, no drama, just livin’. All I asked was that we keep everything very clean, and that we budget our bills (water/electric) since I live on a college-student budget.
For example, I let her get a labrador puppy, ok.
She just did not care about the fact that the apartment was equally mine. The fact that she rented 50% of it meant that even the living room (with all my furniture) was her reign and it didn’t matter that we split anything. Whatever she said, went, basically neglecting my opinion on anything.
Imagine coming home daily to dried feces and your roomate chillin in her trashed room acting like she had no idea.
She would leave for over 15 hours at a time, and tell me to just simply leave the dog shit and piss on my living room floor for her to come home and clean up (half-assed). I would clean it up 80% of the time, even when she was home.
She also refused to take out any of the trash from cleaning up after her animal, or trash in general. Unless I took it out, it sat on the front porch… for weeks.
NO JOKE, WEEKS.
It was humorous, and ridiculous how long she would leave trash in front of the front door. She genuinely expected me to take out her trash.
I would walk her dog for her, and when I ever told her about having to take care of her dog, her response is, “I didn’t ask you too.”
A couple months into living together, I developed an infection behind my right ear that grew a bubble the size of a quarter. It was seriously DISGUSTING, and my aunt is 99% sure is was a Staph infection from breathing in the contaminated air of my apartment.
At the time, I felt for this girl, I made excuses as to why she disrespected me, or my home such as maybe she is dealing with some personal issues etc.. I didn’t want to be annoying, but I felt like she was crossing boundaries that I would clearly talk to her about.
One day, she woke me up at 6am at the front door letting her dog inside to say, “Hey! I am going to California for the weekend! Just leave her inside for me.”
BRUH. What the f- … She didn’t come home for over 36 hours. She left her 3 month old puppy to take care of itself, for 38 hours to be exact.
When I asked when she would be coming home, it started a whole cat fight over how I don’t need to be nagging her & shouldn’t be bothering her when it’s not even my dog.
I told her to move out the night she came home, she accepted that in three weeks she would have a new place. Three weeks come, and she tells me that she isn’t leaving and that I can leave instead.
I find a couple roommates to fill the room, no problem.. (not like I wanted my apartment anyways..), and she denies anyone even coming to look at the damn place. It was like she was trying to corner me for calling her out on not taking care of her dog.
Eventually after just not coming home and staying with my boyfriend for a months time, she gave in and said she would let me off the lease.
I came to my apartment on July 5, 2019 to find my entire apartment trashed with days worth of urine and feces, along with two unauthorized disabled cats crawling around in their own messes.
Let’s just say I had to throw away all of my belongings due to urine damage. Took video evidence, almost threw up as well.
She texted me THREE DAYS LATER thanking me for getting my furniture out the night before, but that I needed to come back and clean all of the stuff I trashed, i.e. what I came home to. Then, threatened to take me to small claims court for “damaging” the apartment after I refused to clean her damages.
I haven’t talked to her since we signed the papers, and this story is still simmering in my soul. I have taken it as a learning point, okay.
Moral of the story, don’t overextend yourself, or your boundaries, for those who will walk all over you with no remorse. They just straight up do not care, even though you do.
5. Stand in your truth, even if your voice shakes.
Did your parents ever make you behave in certain ways around certain people to make you seem like something you weren’t? Mine did, occasionally.
Put on your happy face, smile. Keep your comments to yourself.
My whole life has been a battle between the forces of truth, and complete & utter lies.
I simply cannot be fake to please other people. I simply cannot lie about my true feelings to keep other people happy. What does that do? Make everyone happy but myself? Please.
I dare you to stand in your truth, even if your voice shakes. Standing in your truth means to stand up for what YOU know is right, and true to you.
If you feel a certain way, feel it, and don’t let another person dictate what you should or should not be feeling, under any circumstance.
Stand up for your relationship, stand up for your perspective, and stand up for yourself, especially when you are being disrespected.
Why go around wearing a mask & hiding who you truly & authentically are? Why are you hiding? What’s the point?
Even if you are nervous about what people might be thinking, or the feedback you’ll get, speak your truth, and speak it LOUD! To be honest, if you aren’t speaking your truth, you’re lying to yourself.
Your voice needs to be heard, and if it’s not acknowledged, look elsewhere for your validation.
I am standing for my own truth that has been tried to be silenced after many years. I am not seeking validation from those who can’t stand in the brightness of my light. Instead, I am shining brightly to help those looking find their way.
I am not crazy. I am not begging for attention. I am simply who I am, and loving every second of it. I am standing in my truth, always.
Stop lying to yourself. Start loving who you actually are.
6. Embrace the detours.
For most of 2019 the highways all over Phoenix, Arizona have been under construction. This means that there have been more than a handful of detours and road closures over the year.
Most of the time, these tend to make traffic back up, and cause you to take a different route than expected.
Who would’ve known all the miraculous way you can drive home!
There may be a crash miles ahead of you, or they closed an entire segment of the highway itself.
Learn to embrace the detours life throws at you.
It’s in these moments that redirections give you the time to really think some decisions through, or allow some insight to pour in about if you actually took that route.
Detours are a blessing in disguise, as I stated earlier, everything happens for a reason. So if there is a detour, look for the blessing it is bringing you.
Sometimes the long sit in traffic teaches me patience, and the feeling of going with the flow.
Some days the detour makes me aware of the reactions I have when I get frustrated, teaching me mindfulness.
It’s easy to get pissed off when life doesn’t turn out how you originally planned, but it’s a lot easier to understand that there was a deeper meaning to your detour that day. Remember, trust the process.
The detours brought into our lives are meant to enrich us with growth, expansion, and patience. It’s all in divine timing.
7. A rich inner life means you’re actually pretty wealthy.
What is success to you?
Success in today’s society is fast cars, Gucci belts, and a million dollars. I am nowhere near this. It’s depressing.
If you are like me, breaking the poor mindset you have around money, and life in general, isn’t the easiest task.
I grew up not having or receiving more than I needed. My parents worked a lot, and were constantly stressed about money, bills, and affording practically anything.
Being about 15 years out of that situation, I am still plagued with a mindset that I cannot get nice things, or simply do not deserve more than what I have.
I am 22 still living with the fear of paying my next bill even though I always have enough money.
My internal dialogue was, and still is occasionally, soley what has reflected back my external reality. I really understood that this year after hitting so many blocks in receiving more abundance.
A couple months ago, just after moving into my new apartment with my fiance, I got really fed up with feeling like genuinely relieving my stress was hundreds of years away.
I had the home I manifested, the relationship I manifested, and the job I wanted. Why do I still feel this lack?
It was the other morning that I truly realized that it’s the inner dialogue that I am having that makes me successful.
Why do I think I am poor? Why do I have this mindset that I am always lacking if my bank account isn’t at a certain number?
I have a undeniably rich inner life, one that most people don’t even get a glimpse into on a daily basis.
I have rich conversations with those I do come into contact with. I have rich emotions running inside me, and a rich imagination that fuels my creativity.
I am rich in knowledge, wisdom, and intuitive guidance. I have rich nurturing thoughts about myself, and where my future will be taking me.
I listen to enriching content like podcasts & motivational videos. (My favorite is Infinite Waters on Youtube.) The music that makes my soul groove is positive, and the food that make my soul dance are rich in vitamins, minerals, & flavor.
I am so so rich in infinite ways, but part of me still believes that I can’t make more money than I am right now. I know that isn’t true, but I am letting go of the narrative that I, or my family, isn’t rich.
I might not have millions, but I am rich as fuck in my soul.
8. Nurture your soul, not just your body.
Self-care is more than just white wine & a face mask.. (while you ignore all of your existential problems and sip a bit louder..) It’s about actually caring for yourself.
What are you consuming, not only physically, but mentally?
You are what you eat, and your soul is the energetic vibration of what you are consuming in whole.
I always used to think that as long as I ate healthy, I was healthy. Don’t know about you, but I have deff worked out depressed as hell before, not kidding. So I don’t think it truly works like that.
What music, television shows, or other content are you enriching or unriching yourself with?
You can drink all the green smoothies, broccoli & quinoa you want, but without focusing on your mental health, all that is for nothing, really.
You ever see a beautiful, fit person, but their face is just lacking the warmth and glow of a healthy person? Yes, you can be healthy with the physicality of life’s pleasures, but your mental health rules all operations of the body.
Did you know that most physical symptoms people complain of are derived from the psychological states they are in?
Think about it, someone in a negative state of mind is more likely to focus on what’s going wrong, than what’s going right. The mind goes where the energy flows. Focus on the healing, the happiness, the vitality of life, and life will focus that into you.
Taking care of your mental health isn’t just going to a psychologist because your parents told you to. It’s going to counseling because YOU want to, for your own peace of mind.
Nurturing your soul is about caring about how you feel & think right when you wake up.
Do you grab your phone right away, or do you state what you are grateful for the moment you wake up?
Do you sit on instagram for a couple hours, or do you listen to motivating youtube videos that will help you accomplish your dreams?
Are you staying inside most of the day & shutting the blinds, or are you embracing a morning walk in the sunshine as a way to ground yourself & your emotions for the day?
Are you working a job you just can’t stand but it seems to bring in enough that you only hate your life when you are working? Or are you loving every single moment of your work because it’s something you would already do anyways?
We make things so much harder than they have to be, or simply even are. We also wonder why our lives are not the way we want them to be, or why we haven’t reached that glow up already.
It’s the inner work baby, the inner work plants the seeds. The seeds become your beliefs in who you are, and the flower grows & blossoms into who you are truly meant to be.
Nurture your soul, not just your body.
Honey, your soul is showing. Nurture that bitch and you’ll glow from within, no filter needed.
9. Act on it. (Don’t just think about it.)
This is probably the most powerful lesson I came to in 2019, actually acting on my ideas and thoughts.
How many times a day do you think about doing something, and then completely ignore that thought and move on with your life? A lot, right?
Also, how many times do you regret not acting on the amazing ideas you come up with? And when you finally do DO IT, how many of those times do you ask yourself, “Why didn’t I start this like, 5 months ago?!”
That was me for about 3 months straight when it came to starting up my blog. I talked about how I wanted to share my life experiences with my co-worker almost daily before I just DID IT! I was so nervous, wondering if anyone would ever read my content, or if anyone would even care.
Oh man, how amazing it felt to get started on this little project of mine. The moment I said, “Fuck it. Imma take the leap”, my life changed for the better.
I went ziplining for my 22nd birthday this year up in Flagstaff, Arizona with my good friend Darline. I personally deal with a lot of anxiety, and am not the most spontaneous when it comes to making plans. Well, I guess I wanted to face some fears and go ziplining.
Now, I had no idea what this actually entailed when I was looking into it, but it turned out to be three extreme self-serving tree courses. This meant that Darline and I had to hook ourselves to the trees & ziplines while three stories in the air.
My hands are sweating typing this out.
Going up to the first line, I was petrified. Shaking. Sweating profusely.
Then, I thought to myself that they would NOT be in business if this wasn’t actually safe, and if someone has died. Logically, I knew I was safe, I had the safety harness on, and I followed all the directions to be a successful rider.
I was honestly more freaked out to be on the tiny platforms by myself across the way. I’m talking 2-3 stories high minimum. I took a deep breath, remembered why I came, and said “Fuck it.” & took the leap.
It was exhilarating. I made it to the other side grateful that I was alive still, and ready to take on the next line.
On the third course, there was a free fall jump you had to complete in order to finish the course, or ultimately get down from the trees to ground level. There was about 7 platforms of other people ahead of us, and we got held up for a while as a group of females freaked out about this free fall jump.
Watching them pace back in forth in fear did NOT sit too well with us while we sat there waiting in line for the jump. One girl ended up getting pushed off, and gracefully floated down to the ground. The others got escorted down with a safety rope.
This made Darline and I look at eachother super confused. Is it scary, or not..? It was finally our turn, and just like the first go around, I didn’t think too much about it. I said, “Fuck it.”, and made the jump. I just wanted to get it over with already!
I guess the point here is to face your fears head on, and just do it. Whatever you’ve been thinking about for hours on end, stop thinking, and just do it. I guarantee that 99% of the time it will be exhilarating, and will expand your perception of what you can achieve in life.
Start the blog. Take the leap. Take the risk.
Get of your comfort zone, because I promise you won’t regret the accomplishments you achieve when you push yourself past your limits. Stop thinking about it, stop talking about it, act for once.
When you say you miss someone, act on it. Don’t just say it. When you love someone, act on it. Don’t just say it. When you want to do something, anything, act on it. Don’t just think about it.
That’s how you accomplish your dreams.